Dora and Remy
by JenniferHecateMacBeth
Summary: Remus and Dora discover their love for each other, the difficulties posed by their professions, missions, and idiosyncracies, and how they can reconcile all of it and be together. Back in progress, in case I've kept you waiting and wondering. Rating jus
1. Chapter 1

St. Mungo's

"Really, Mr. Lupin, I do have to ask that you step outside while we see to her. I assure you, we will give you a full assessment of her condition as soon as possible. Have a seat out in the waiting room, please. Please." The medi-witch guided him out the door and closed it behind her, leaving Remus standing in the sterile corridor, caught between a desire to scream his anguish at the world and to sink to the floor and sob. Molly Weasley had appeared at the front desk and was briskly trying to assess the situation when she saw him standing there.

"If you'll excuse me. . ." she trailed off as she glared at the witch on duty, who was obviously relieved to have a respite. She swooped down on Remus, clutching him by the shoulders and steering him to a vacant seat in the waiting room. As he sank into the chair, he placed his face in his hands and started to tremble softly.

"I'm listening, Remus, and whatever it is, It'll do you good to get it off your chest. So talk away." Molly composed herself, momentarily putting aside her creeping feeling of hysteria and helplessness at the evening's events and resuming her well-rehearsed maternal role.

"I have to tell you something, Molly, but you have to promise never to repeat it, please?" Remus begged her. The weight of it had been unbearable, but in her maternal arms, Remus felt he needed to free his secret. If he didn't say it aloud now, he might never again get the chance.

She considered his request for a moment and nodded, thoughtfully. She had a feeling she knew what he was going to say, and she knew that there would be a time when he would be strong enough to share it with the world. Remus didn't often allow others into his private miseries. His reserve was a very well tended cushion that he felt prevented him from harming others. It fooled most people, but not her.

"I've just lost my best friend in the world, but he's beyond helping now. I couldn't bear it if I lost her too," he quietly sobbed. "But she can't know that. She can't know that I love her, have loved her as long as I've known her. Molly, Nymphadora's the only beautiful thing left in my world. Even though I know we can't be together, I need her here. I need to know she's safe."

Molly listened, holding Remus tightly in her arms, as if he were one of her children. "Shhh, Remus, it's going to be fine. She's the strongest girl I know. And I happen to know for a fact that she wouldn't want to leave you, either. Whether or not you want to accept it, Tonks fancies you, Remus. Now is not the time to write her off. As soon as you can, you go in there and take her hand. You tell her how you feel about her. It might just be the thing that gets her through this."

"I can't tell her, Molly!" he said in an anguished whisper. "We could never be together. I can't be trusted. What if I hurt her? I'm worn out with the years, and she still has so much ahead of her. She could never be happy with me. She could only waste her life pitying and fearing me."

"It's not my place to tell her, and I keep my promises, but Remus, look at me." She turned her eyes sternly to his and said evenly, "Don't throw away the best thing in your life. She needs you to be strong for her. Think of all the times she's watched over you, Remus. She took that duty voluntarily. She even asked us to exchange watches to be with you. Perhaps you hadn't noticed, but the look in her eyes is hardly pity and self-sacrifice. She's not a child, Remus. She's a very strong woman who knows what she wants. And right now, she's in need of your support and your love. Just think about it." She handed him a handkerchief and grasped one of his hands firmly, just as a healer walked up to them.

"You're with Nymphadora Tonks, correct? We've done all we could. It may be a long recovery for her, but it looks as if the healing was successful. That kind of injury is usually fatal; she's a lucky one. I think she could use a little company, though. She's awake and asking for you, Mr. Lupin. Room 32." She curtly nodded and made her way back through the doors.

"Molly. . ."

"You heard what I said, Remus. I've got to be with my son right now, and you know where you need to be," Molly said with a final squeeze of his hand. "Take care of her for us. We need her, and you, if we're going to win this thing." She stood and made her way out of the ward without looking back.

Remus considered his hand for a moment. Few people were willing to touch a werewolf, much less fall in love with one. The white scars, crossing the blue veins on the back of his hands were constant reminders of his affliction. They were nothing compared to the angry red welts that covered his arms and chest, old evidence of monthly transformations before the blessed relief of the wolfsbane potion had been discovered. He grew angry at himself for this moment's hesitation. Dora needed him, was asking for him! It wasn't she who pitied him, it was himself. He quickly scrubbed his face, attempting to look strong and composed, and crossed the room. Down the hallway, he found her room and quietly pushed the door open.

"Wotcher, Moony" she said weakly, with a wry smile. Her normally vivid, spiky pink hair had relapsed into the mousy brown waves he remembered from her childhood. Her eyes were cool pools of grey, revealing her more intimately than the many hues of sapphire or amber she often affected. "Sorry I didn't make more of an effort to make myself presentable. Those potions they gave me took a bit of energy to swallow."

"I know all about nasty potions. Do just about as much harm as good, some of them. I'm glad to see you're still with us, Nymphadora."

"_You_ may not be for long, if you keep referring to me by that name!" she shot with more humour than he though she'd be capable of, after the events of the last several hours.

"I'd like to see you try!" he laughed. "Besides, I thought you were all grown up now. Would you prefer I still call you Dora?"

"Well, I would have insisted on Tonks, but since you just saved my life, I might allow an exception for you. Thanks, Remy. Go on and pull up a chair, I won't bite," she suggested, wincing at her choice of words as he raised an eyebrow.

"_I_ just might, though." He slid an armchair toward the bed and eased his sore muscles slowly into the seat. "I'm feeling my age tonight, Dora. Amazing how the years catch up with you."

"Oh, I wouldn't know anything about that, being just a child and all," she sighed petulantly. "Do you remember when you used to visit us sometimes in the summer? I used to think that you were the most handsome boy I had ever seen. The kindest, as well. The others would push me down and call me names, but you would always help me up and brush me off and tell them to leave me be." He smiled at the memory.

"You know, I can still vividly recall the day you were born. It was the summer before my third year at Hogwarts, and Sirius, James, Peter and I had met up in Diagon Alley to gather up our supplies for the term." His face darkened for a moment, as he thought of Sirius, but he continued on, "We were outside at Florians for a quick bite when your dad rushed by and told Sirius the good news, that he had a new baby cousin on the way. He was on the way to St. Mungo's to meet your mum. I was thirteen, Dora."

"I have a feeling I know what you're getting at, Remus, but hear me out." She winced and moaned uncomfortably, and Remus unconsciously took her hand as she bit her lip in pain.

"Shhhh, Dora. We have plenty of time to have this conversation. Right now, you need to rest up and recover. As soon as we get the OK, you'll go back to Grimmauld Place where we can keep an eye on you. Say, can I bring you anything to make you more comfortable? The healer says you'll be out of commission for a while. I have no idea what that means, but I'd gather at least a week." He could see her relax a bit and was relieved that she had allowed him to turn the conversation so easily.

"Maybe the wireless, the one from my flat. A little music couldn't hurt."

"Soothes the savage beast, or so I'm told," he quipped with a wink. "Anything else?"

"And a few pairs of pyjamas and knickers and such. Take Ginny over there with you, if she's up to it. She'll find what I need in no time."

"Will you be okay by yourself for a bit, then?"

"I'm a big girl, Remy."

"Okay, then, I'll be back as soon as I can." He realized that he was still holding her hand. He quickly raised it to his lips and gave it a tentative kiss. "Get some sleep, Dora, right?

"Right."

As he quietly closed the door, he felt the last strand of resistance in his heart strain painfully. She did love him, Molly was right. What he would do about it, he had no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks' flat

Remus apparated into the impossibly cluttered living room of Dora's flat. Surveying the situation, he saw the radio perched on the edge of a table covered in what appeared to be a clutter of maps and dossiers. The evidence of her occupation was everywhere; dozens of books were piled on every surface, with titles such as, "Stunning the Cunning Thief," "Advanced Self-Defense Tactics for Aurors," and "Avoiding Collateral Damage: Meddling Muggles and Magical Manoeuvres." An array of dark detection devices were displayed across overstuffed bookshelves and the sofa was buried in a pile of unlaundered Auror robes. He hadn't wanted to bother any of the girls to join him, so he hoped that her wardrobe would be a bit more organized. He didn't particularly like the idea of pawing through a young lady's unmentionables more than was strictly necessary.

He gingerly stepped over the piles of papers and clutter until he reached her bedroom. Thankfully, it appeared that she delegated this room for less hectic endeavours. The bed was neatly made, though there was a rather tacky print of the Weird Sisters pinned to the wall and the contents of her closet were obviously beginning to escape the confines of the wardrobe. He quickly found the drawer containing her knickers and chose a few of the more conservative pairs. He found his mind wandering momentarily to an image of Dora wearing the lacy purple things he saw tucked in the back, but reminded himself sternly that this was definitely not the time.

Another drawer contained long t-shirts, which he took to be pyjamas. He neatly re-folded them and dropped them into the bag he carried. A quick search revealed her bedroom slippers, a few pairs of socks, and a cozy sweater, as well as a pair of jeans, a blouse, and a pair of trainers for the trip home. He returned to the underwear drawer to select a bra, realizing that she might need one for the outfit. While Remus had had little experience with the fairer sex, he still had a good idea what they generally wore under their robes. As he rummaged through the drawer, he felt something incongruously hard under the folds of silk and cotton. As he moved things aside, he saw that it was a frame, containing an old photograph. Through the glass, he could see a much younger Remus, carrying a 4-year-old Dora on his shoulders. The easy grin on his face belied the shadows under his eyes, but Dora was beaming. He quickly replaced the clothing and tucked a bra into the bag. This was getting very complicated for him, emotionally and practically. She wasn't going to be able to stay here much longer, given the exponentially more dangerous situation they were all in after tonight. Even the rather impressive array of wards she had placed on this flat would not be enough, he feared, if one of the more proficient Death Eaters made her a target. She wasn't one to enjoy being taken care of, but she'd just have to accept it for the time being. He'd see what he could do about convincing her to pare down her possessions and get a little more organized. After all, he was the net-freak of the order. How would he deal with living under the same roof with her, though? Could he just pretend that his avoidance of her had to do with some other mundane reason? She was well aware that he had been avoiding her and she had been trying to corner him for weeks. She knew he fancied her, just as he knew that the feeling was very much reciprocated. How could he preserve their friendship but put an end to this nonsense? He was much too old for her. Not to mention the fact that he was poorer than a church mouse and a snarling, vicious, blood-thirsty werewolf every full moon! She was a smart girl, as Molly said. And she would be smart enough to see that nothing more than friendship could ever be possible between them.

He quickly scooped up what appeared to be her current leisure reading from the bed side table, a worn volume of Muggle poetry, and beat a hasty retreat from the room. He clutched the radio to his side, re-warded the front door, and disapparated with a crack.

Tonks sighed as Remus closed the door behind him. She knew what he'd find in her apartment. The disorganized, dishevelled evidence of her complete lack of organization. He was as opposite her in his domestic habits as could be imagined, but she was hoping that this could be an opportunity for them to spend a bit more time together. Sirius had been no house-keeping whiz, either – she twinged at his memory and then redoubled her efforts to swallow the tears. As an Auror, an Order member, and a person living in dark times, she would need all the happy memories of Sirius she could gather. One of the most ecstatic moments had been finding Sirius, to whom she had not spoken since her childhood, standing before her on her first visit to Headquarters. He would approve of her plan, and wholeheartedly support her if he were here. In fact, Sirius was probably watching things from wherever he was and cheering her on. She would ask for Remus's assistance, as a self-professed neat-freak, in sorting through the detritus of her life and down-sizing to one of the vacant bedrooms at Grimmauld Place. She was so rarely at her flat, she had come to the decision that it was a frivolous expense that could be done away with and too isolated for her to be of assistance to the Order on a moment's notice. Remus was just the man for the task. The weeks they had spent scouring Headquarters were, despite the nastiness of the task, some of the most intensely satisfying of her life.

Here was a man who shared her passion for knowledge and was not afraid to admit to it. The younger male Aurors she worked with were so driven by their misplaced machismo and desire to appear dashing and dangerous that they often suppressed what, presumably, generous supply of brain cells they had in favor of maintaining their "images." They treated her like an affable side-kick but rarely engaged her in intelligent conversation. Remus respected her professional skills highly and never hesitated to run his thoughts by her regarding the best way to execute missions for the Order. When she had a question about the Dark Arts, he answered her as an informed colleague and not as a curious child. They had joked about the days when Remus had been an adored older brother to Dora, but it was not until recently that difference in their ages had been an issue. How to repair the damage was to be her convalescent project. She was never one to quietly watch the world go by without her. A week of bed rest would probably be the death of her, and she knew that Remus would agree with little prodding. Much better to help her in her little project than suffer the consequences of her boredom. She needed to put some serious thought into the plan; while her ability to wheedle information out of unwilling subjects was nearly legendary, despite her short time as an Auror, her proficiency at stealth was decidedly sub-par. He would see what she was up to from a mile away. She had messed things up, and now she needed to find a way to repair the damage. This required no fancy spell-work, complicated potions, or brute strength. This was a finesse job.

To fix the problem, she needed to ascertain exactly what had gone wrong and allay Remus' fears little by little. The error she had made was impulsive; the remedy would have to be methodically planned. In one night, they had gone from close companions to well-acquainted strangers. Remus lived by the measured waxing and waning of the moon. He relied on logic, patterns and academic rigor to make sense of the world. Along she had come, with her impulsive intuition, day-glow hair, clumsiness, and disregard for precedent and thrown him for a loop. While all this disparity had been healthy fodder for their friendship, it had proved dangerous when, in an unguarded moment, Tonks had tipped her cards. Sirius had plied her with a little firewhisky, something she rarely partook of given the need for alertness in her field of work, and gotten her reminiscing about their childhoods. In response to his question of who she had fancied of his friends, she had made the imminently poor decision to admit to a long-standing crush on Remus. Of course, by the time she had sobered up and realized what she had said, Remus was quite aware of the situation. Sirius had teased him mercilessly (what else did he have to do besides live vicariously through his friends, anyway) and, though Remus had neither heard it from her directly nor broached the subject with her, he had been avoiding her as if she had a roaring case of kneezle pox. Years of friendship, ruined by a foolish admission in an unguarded moment. She rarely had these, but this one was making up for all the care she normally took. That was a trait they shared: hiding their feelings in order to spare others the need to be sympathetic. And also to retain a bit of dignity, of course. She had to take that into account when deciding what to do about the problem. She loved him. He loved her. She wanted to snog him senseless. The cat was out of the bag, and there was no fixing that, but did she really want to? He wanted to protect them both. She wasn't blind, she knew his motivations. Now, how to break down thirty-odd years of carefully tended emotional wall?


	3. Chapter 3

The Mission

It was Molly who had delivered the bag to Tonks. And instead of moving to Grimmauld Place, Tonks found herself holed up at the Burrow, sharing a room with Ginny. Her plans, not even begun, were shelved when she heard the news – Remus was gone and no one could tell her when he would return. All she had by way of explanation was a hastily scribbled note, saying that she should forget him and go on with her life. He was "too old, too poor, and far, far too dangerous" for her to entertain any thoughts of a future with him. He was fairly sure he would not be returning. He would think of her. She should take care of Harry. He had not even signed it "love." Her hopes shattered, she had retreated into herself. Everything happy seemed to have gone out of her life and, despite Molly's assurances that Remus would be back and forget the unworthiness nonsense when his mission was over, she feared the worst.

As he apparated back into St. Mungo's, Remus had been met by Dumbledore in the lobby. "Remus, I hesitate to do this, given how harrowing I know the past day has been for you, but we urgently need you to undertake a mission for the Order. It will be the hardest thing I've asked of you yet, and I apologize for thrusting this upon you so soon."

"Headmaster, you can count on me for anything that will further our cause, you know that," Remus assured him.

"Then I think we should go somewhere more private to discuss this. I'm afraid headquarters is no longer a possibility, until we determine the legal status of the property. Please meet me in my office at Hogwarts within the hour, Remus." He had barely enough time to pen a brief note and drop the bag in Ron's room with Molly before he was on his way to Hogsmeade.

She slipped out of the infirmary and made her way to the front gate, intent on apparating as far from Remus as possible. She could hardly breathe, her chest felt heavy, and her eyes were swimming with tears. Not only had the Order lost its leader, but she had also realized that Remus would never consent to let her love him. She had to learn how to forget this madness! The pain she felt each time he rejected her was worse than the last. What had happened to the strong, independent young woman she had imagined herself to be? Now she felt older than the world and completely broken. Remus had sent her to the brink of despair. She couldn't afford to throw herself off the precipice; the Order needed her. Her parents and Ginny and her fellow Aurors needed her. Suddenly, she heard someone quickly approaching and turned, wand at the ready, adrenaline flooding her already tense body. She managed to stop herself before flinging a barrage of irreparable curses at a clearly startled and shaken Remus.

"Molly and Minerva have already threatened to hex me into oblivion for what I'm doing to you, so you can put your wand down. To be honest, though, the look in your eyes has done more damage to me than any curse could."

"Remus, I think I'm finally beginning to understand that you don't care about me. And don't tell me you do, because if I keep telling myself that you don't, maybe one day I'll believe it. It hurts too much to think you still care."

"I want to show you. Please, maybe it's the only way you can understand why I don't deserve your love. And why even if I were to be with you, you would only grow to hate me. Can we go back to the school? I want to use the pensieve. I want you to see for yourself what a monster I am."

"We don't need a pensieve, Remus. If you want to let me in, and I agree that I want to see your demons, we can do it right now."

"You're a legilimens?"

"You can't repeat that to a soul, Remus. There are some things an Auror has to keep secret at all costs. Do you promise?"

"While you can't trust me with your life, though you don't believe it, your secret is safe with me. I want you to see."

"Then close your eyes and put your hands in mine." She took his large, scarred hands in hers and uttered "legilimens" softly. Clearly, Remus had had his mind revealed before, as he quickly organized his thoughts for her. First, she felt the euphoric warmth of their friendship, inwardly delighting in the assurance that her feelings had been reciprocated. The many hours they had spent at Grimmauld Place, their midnight chats over tea in the kitchen, their friendly academic sparring, and, soon, the glances that they both knew meant more than friendship.

Suddenly, she was thrown into what was obviously a dream. Remus walked in a realm of confused smells and sharp sounds, missing something essentially human. He must be in his werewolf form, she realized. She saw a blur, recognized a scent that she knew must be hers, and shuddered in terror as the dream Remus took off in pursuit. He cornered the dream-Nymphadora and leapt at her throat, taking a perverted delight in ripping flesh from bone.

She felt his exhaustion as he pushed another memory into her view. This was a real memory. Remus, again transformed, was following a pack of werewolves deep in the mountains. The others were yipping encouragement to him. "Kill," the wolf understood. "Kill men. Kill their young. Eat their sweet flesh and sate yourself with their blood!" She could hear the screams of a woman in the distance followed by a sickening silence. Remus turned, frantic, fighting his urge to follow the pack and his need for fresh meat. The moon was sinking toward the horizon, and as his internal battle raged, a wave of sharp, unbearable pain wracked his body. Moments later, he looked down at his naked human form and was ashamed. He was neither man nor beast and could never hope to be successful at either. Even if he gave into the wolf, he could not be one of them. Just as wizarding society would never accept him. He heard an angry snarl above him – it was Grayback, covered in gore and eyes wild. "There's no reason why I shouldn't kill you right now," he growled. "You've done nothing to prove your loyalty to us. I'll give you one more chance, just because you're my blood child. She felt a strange sensation, as Grayback did just what she was doing now, but with a violence and disregard for Remus that she could only call rape. He tore away just as suddenly. "Bring me her head. Otherwise, the next time I see you, you're a dead man." Grayback faded into the darkness and Remus' world went black. She knew Grayback was talking about her.

She felt him pull back but kept Remus' hands firmly in her own. She had seen what he had to show her, and she was unafraid. She knew that this was the only chance she had of proving to Remus that all of that didn't matter to her. Why, a hundred creatures just as dangerous would love to get revenge on her. And hundreds more men, equally dangerous and infinitely more calculating. Her life was defined by danger, and she wouldn't have it any other way. Softly, she whispered to him, "Now it's my turn, Remus. I want you to enter my mind now. See yourself stepping through the doorway." She invited him in, and when she felt his presence in her mind, pulled his physical body into a tight embrace. She flooded his senses with her love. "I forgive you for the dreams you cannot control, Remus. I forgive you for the hatred of others. I forgive you a nature you neither chose nor embrace. I forgive you for being the victim of circumstances beyond your influence." She felt him slump to the ground, sobbing, but she held tight to him, clutching his hands, now trembling. "I even forgive you for your hard-headedness, since it's one of the things I love best about you. I haven't yet forgiven you for one thing, though. Can you guess what it is?"

She gently withdrew from his mind, breaking the mental connection but maintaining their physical contact. He had seen what she needed him to but she would not force him to endure any more. If she did so, she would never be sure that what might happen between them would be his free will or his defeat. She had great respect for him and would rather never see him again than know that she had forced her desire on him. Indeed, she would have given up on him a year ago had she seen in his eyes that he did not return her love. And spared herself a lot of heartache.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I had no idea that would be the last time we'd see each other, Dora, I swear."

"I know," she quietly said. Tears began to run down her face and she knelt down with him. "Molly said they'd sent you on a secret mission for the Order. That Dumbledore hadn't given you any warning. That you'd been on your way back to see me when he sent you away. I was terrified, not knowing where you were, what you were doing. I thought I'd die."

"I should never have left you, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. The last time I saw you, I should have done this." She grasped his lapels and pulled him to her, pressing her lips to his and securing her arms about his back, preventing either of them from making further apologies. They remained like that, arms entwined, lips wordlessly expressing all of the love, fear, hope, and truth that they had been unable to speak before. As darkness began to fall, he softly said, "come with me." They stood and apparated before the door of an ancient, decrepit stone cottage. She knew, as they crossed the threshold, that this was her home. Whatever would come, she would be beside him. He wordlessly led her into the kitchen and lit a merry fire in the hearth. He set a kettle to boil and then invited her to join him on the tattered rug by the fire. She brushed the tear stains from his cheeks and clasped his hands again in hers.

"There are so many things I would like to do right now, but maybe it's better if we have a cup of tea and talk a bit?"

"I don't know whether I have the words to express what I'm feeling right now, Remus. But I do know that there's only one thing I really need to hear."

"I love you, Dora," he breathed. "I have for so long now. But why would someone as intelligent and beautiful and wonderful as you want to ruin her future with something like me? I would destroy you."

"Oh, Remy," she sighed, using her childhood name for him. "But how can we know what the future holds? We have right now, and that has to be enough. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No matter what comes"

She touched his face, tracing the line of his jaw with her finger and sliding her fingers through his hair. He slowly pulled her toward him, pressing his lips to her ear, whispering softly to her as he took her earlobe between her teeth and felt a shudder go through her body. She kissed the curve of his neck, feeling the thrill of anticipation like electricity in the air. The cheerful whistle of the teapot interrupted them, and they sat themselves back by the fire with chipped mugs full of steaming tea.

After a few sips, Tonks felt the warmth settle into her stomach and into her heart. She smiled tentatively as Remus met her eyes. He raised an eyebrow. "What happened to your hair, Dora? I miss the pink." She closed her eyes and willed it to change, as she had so many times since he left, without effect. "I think I've lost my powers, Remus. It's been months since I could change anything." she sadly remarked. "Oh, really? I think that's the most vivid shade yet!" She saw her reflection in the dark mug and let out a whoop of joy. "I take it that was my fault?" Remus asked, abashed. "Because of you, but not your fault. You've made all the apologies I want to hear for now." They sat in companionable silence for many hours, sipping their tea, exchanging increasingly confident kisses, and smiling like fools. When they could no longer keep their eyes open, they drifted to Remus' disused old bed and collapsed, arms intertwined, into the most peaceful sleep either had had in many long months.


	4. Chapter 4

Tonks awoke the next morning with the distinct feeling that someone was watching her. She took a moment to place where she was and how she had gotten there. Upon sifting the memories from the haze of sleep, she smiled and opened one eye. "Wotcher, Moony!" She stretched, cat-like, in the sunbeam that cheerfully declared that this was the longest she had slept in, even on her day off, since she was probably fifteen – barring, of course, a few hospital visits. Remus was propped up on an elbow, pillow tucked under his chin, blinking at her as if he had found something pleasantly unexpected in his bed. "Good morning, Nymphadora."

She frowned for a moment, before giving him a merciless tickling in the ribs. As he objected vociferously and attempted to remove himself from her reach, she laughed, "Do I need to remind you, yet again, of my very serious aversion to my given name, Remus?"

"I was simply being sure that I was really awake, that's all! And being sure that it was really you, of course. Wouldn't want to do this to an impostor," he explained, as he kissed her hard on the lips. She returned his kiss in the most enthusiastic way she knew how.

When they finally gave into reality a few minutes later, realizing that it was already past 8 o'clock, Remus sheepishly admitted that there was very little in the way of food in the tumble-down cottage. He was really just squatting, hoping that whoever had once inhabited the building had long since given it up to the spiders and weeds. It certainly appeared that it had been vacant for some time. While he had brought in a bed, a couple of chairs, and a table, it could hardly be considered a comfortable residence. What little he had had in his pantry had been consumed by the numerous furry things living under the floorboards while he was with the werewolves. Werewolves . . . the mission. . . Dumbledore's death. He felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach, thinking about it all. He shuddered. "I'm still not entirely sure that this thing between us is advisable, Dora. . ."

"If Greyback knows about us, it's sure that the Death Eaters do, too. We're not revealing anything that would put me in more danger than I'm in now, so shut it. Not another word on the subject, do I make myself clear?" Tonks glared at him in such a possessive way that Remus felt sure that she might easily rival Molly's protectiveness. He could almost begin to imagine her as the mother of a large brood of happy, boisterous children. He caught himself in the thought and pushed it to the back of his mind. One hurdle at a time . . . they couldn't even expect to be married, given the current statutes on lycanthropy, much less start a family. "Now, we'd best get to the Burrow. They'll feed us there, but more importantly, we've got to get back to the Order and find out what we've missed. We've been gone a good 12 hours; not enough time for everyone's grief to be appreciated and dealt with, but Voldemort has a head start on us and Snape's probably outlining every last detail of the Order's business to him by now.

"I suppose that's a good place to start, and we've been missing for long enough at this point– it's more imperative than ever that the order close ranks. Obviously, Professor Dumbledore has left an enormous vacuum and I hate to think that we're dilly-dallying while the Death Eaters are moving in for the kill.

The awesome burden they faced tempered the exhilaration of their personal moment, but there would be time to enjoy each other when more important duties had been fulfilled. Like saving the world.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

AN: I just came to the realization that Remus and Tonks were together on the platform at King's Cross after she was released from St. Mungo's. . . I'm going to go on without fixing it, though. This is just for fun, please don't be alarmed at my disregard for cannon! Or how long it may take me to update. . . job and life sometimes get in the way.

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Approaching the Burrow, Tonks immediately noticed that the wards had been increased. The haze of strong charms blunted the straight lines of the fence and house, blurred the foliage in the garden, and masked the movements of the house's inhabitants. She sighed. This was obviously some of Moody's best handiwork; she recognized the marks of overkill. Well, perhaps it was no more than was necessary to protect those he loved, she admitted to herself. Ever since Moody's own family had been shattered by the Death Eaters, the Auror had been hyper-cautious. She couldn't blame him. She would do anything to protect Molly from more heartbreak. Not to mention Remus, Harry, and the whole rest of the world. To think that one twisted man could create this kind of fear! She clenched her teeth and grasped Remus' hand firmly in hers. She felt an uncanny confidence flood her body. They would beat Voldemort – there was no other choice.

Remus had noticed the same eeriness surrounding the Burrow. However, instead of seeing the wards, he smelled the paranoia of the man who had set them. An undercurrent of fear had settled around the once-cheerful Weasley home and no number of protective wards could shield its occupants from the events going on in the larger world. He knew that the Weasley children would feel a nostalgic tug whenever they imagined the Burrow as it had been before the war; he knew what it had felt like to return to his own home, realizing that it would never again be the safe, inviolable haven it had once seemed. He glanced at Tonks, beside him, and knew that she had probably never been that innocent; dark, evil things lurked in her family like the dust on old picture frames. Despite Andromeda's defection from the Black family proper, there were too many ways in which Nymphadora had probably been subjected to their hatred, prejudice, and malice. Like Sirius, she was probably scarred in ways that were invisible on the surface, but cut right down to the bone.

Tonks could feel the tenseness in Remus' hand, clasped in hers. When would they be able to hold each other gently, without the fear that one or the other of them would disappear? They approached the front door and found themselves immediately paralyzed until, after a minute, Molly peered through the front window with her wand at the ready and demanded, in a halting voice, "What is your patronus, Tonks?"

Her face momentarily unfrozen, Tonks grinned and rolled her eyes toward Remus. "Looks like this bloke on a bad night, Molly. But let us in and you'll be the first one to hear our good news!" The smile that broke out on Molly's face was priceless to Remus. She would probably be one of the few people who would cheer their relationship. The cryptic remark Tonks had made, though, unsettled him a little.

They quickly found themselves being unfrozen and ushered into the kitchen for a bite to eat and a dozen questions about how Remus had finally seen reason. She then led them to the bedroom where Bill was convalescing. Molly's cheer almost imperceptibly lessened as she gazed at her son, but Remus recognized the same look that his own mother had had when she looked at him as a child. It was a carefully guarded mask that was meant to show only unconditional love and hide the fear and pain she also felt. Bill, on the other hand, seemed wholly happy to be alive and surrounded by his family and friends. Of course, the doting Fleur had become a permanent fixture at his side. She had already given up attempting to assist Molly in the domestic duties of the household. Remus would be willing to bet it was as much because Molly was dissatisfied with the results as because Fleur disliked the idea of housework on principle. She had most certainly had a house elf at her disposal until now. However, Fleur had thrown herself entirely into the care of Bill, reading volumes of dubious information on lycanthropy and the healing of dark creature bites of all kinds. Remus would make it a point to join the two of them privately to impart what wisdom he had gained through a lifetime of living with the curse, though Bill would probably not suffer quite what he had to. The full moon was only a few days away, and Remus assumed that he would arrange to spend it at the Burrow with Bill to monitor his progress. Even if the young man did not change form, he might need to be placed under safe wards to prevent him doing damage to himself or anyone else.

Tonks was also aware of the coming of the full moon. She had not made any mention of her secret project and was afraid of what Remus' reaction would be. During her recovery from the curse she suffered in the Department of Mysteries, Tonks had applied herself to the task of learning a skill that could be quite useful to her, both professionally and personally. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement had been quietly seeking volunteers for its elite covert intelligence unit. Each candidate would submit to extensive examination and screening. If they passed the first battery, they would then be given permission to become an animagus. Those whose animal forms were deemed useful to the team would, then, be trained in the imitation of their species' behavior, habits, and other particulars so as to seamlessly blend into the field environment. While Tonks was a metamorphmagus, she still retained her human scent when transformed and was limited to the general confines of human form in her morphing. As an animagus, she would be doubly useful not only to the Ministry, but also to the Order. Shacklebolt seemed particularly pleased by her decision, given that the department was considering placing her on unpaid medical leave for the duration of her absent from active duty. While she was discharged fairly quickly from St. Mungos, the mediwitch had not been exaggerating the fact that she would be out of commission for some time. She had been directed to refrain from any serious physical exertion for a good two months at least, automatically precluding a quick return to work either for the Ministry or for the Order. With Remus gone, Tonks needed something to keep her mind engaged. And if or when he did return, she might be allowed to keep him company on the full moon. Sirius had once explained to her that, even without wolfsbane, a werewolf was driven to kill humans and not other animals. This was how he, James, and Peter had kept Remus company during his transformations while remaining safe. Perhaps she could do the same one day.

Tonks threw herself into this effort with all her energy. Even when she had lost the ability to morph her features, which she attributed in equal parts to Remus and the stress of her injury, she remained focused on her new goal. She passed her preliminary screening, studied the manual, and practiced relentlessly. She even took supplementary lessons from McGonagall and, finally, when she felt she would break either her body or her mind from the effort, she managed a transformation. She had been working with McGonagall in her office at Hogwarts when it happened, and the look of surprise on the face of the old tabby cat caused her to change back without even determining what it was she had become. McGonagall resumed her usual appearance and invited Tonks to have a seat on one of the bare armchairs by the fire.

"Nymphadora, you seem to have managed it at last. You have my congratulations on some very difficult work. However, I might advise you to consider carefully how you use your gift. Do you know what form you took just now?"

Tonks had a sneaking suspicion that she did. She had not mentioned to anyone but Molly that recently, her patronus had changed shape entirely. It was no longer a great, lumbering bear but a werewolf. The message she read in the professor's eyes confirmed her suspicion. She took a deep breath.

"After so many years of teaching transformation, I understand well enough the transformation of the human heart. I hope you can convince him to transform his bachelor habits; good luck to you. But I would think carefully about what this revelation could do to your position among the Aurors. They might see this as an indication of some dark leaning on your part, or disloyalty to the Ministry. You may want to tell them that you simply lack the ability. Only one in ten wizards or witches has the potential and given your more obvious talents. . .

"But I can't morph anymore!" Tonks cried, as she stood and walked to the mirror on McGonagall's wall. "I've lost my ability!"

"Nymphadora, you are morphed, even now. You fail to notice, but the color of your hair and eyes are not those I remember you having as a girl. Didn't you have brown hair and grey eyes?"

Tonks stared at her reflection. It was now obvious to her that the sandy brown hair and hazel eyes looking back at her were not really her own. They belonged to Remus. She felt like some kind of obsessive freak! Everyone must have noticed by now.

"Don't worry, Nymphadora, I assure you that I happen to be more perceptive than most when it comes to the art of transformation. I suspect that the only one who might have noticed besides myself is Molly. She is also unusually perceptive when it comes to her family. And that is what she undoubtedly considers you and Remus now. Don't make any rash decisions. Sleep on it and come see me in a day or two when you've had a chance to think."

She had thought about it until her head hurt as much as her other physical injuries and decided that she would wait until Remus returned to reveal this to anyone. The Ministry would be none the wiser, thinking she was still trying, and McGonagall could be trusted to keep her secret. Now that Remus was back, she'd have to find a way to bring up the subject.


	6. Chapter 6

After Remus had met with or contacted the majority of the Order, Tonks was pleased to see that most seemed to view him as a sort of touchstone for the group. While she knew that he would never believe it, the unassuming man possessed a quiet air of authority that seemed to resonate with the others. She was fairly sure that McGonagall would be seen as the next leader, but she knew that it would be Remus assisting her in the tactical decisions. She had called a meeting for tomorrow evening at headquarters at 8pm and had placed him in charge, as she was still preoccupied with putting Hogwarts to rights. Tonks pondered the situation with her eyes half-closed, enjoying just being close to him.

These thoughts were eclipsed when Remus next spoke, however. By the warmth of Molly's fire, once again secure in the knowledge that Remus was alive and well, Tonks had been tempted not to spoil the moment by sharing her secret. He brought up the subject himself, though.

"I can't help but be curious about that comment you made to Molly earlier, Dora. I don't want to pry, but your patronus has changed?"

She squirmed uncomfortably. Harry had seen it, Molly knew about it. . . even Snape knew, the rotten bastard. "Strangest thing, Remus. I was on dementor detail a while back and, well, did you know that one's patronus isn't necessarily a fixed thing? I had always thought that it was sort of static, a reflection of your personality or something. Who knows, really? Anyway, well. . ." she stammered.

There was flicker of comprehension in his eyes. "It doesn't happen to be a wolf, does it?" he asked tentatively.

"Well, not exactly. . . more like. . . like a. . ."

"A werewolf," he finished for her.

"Spot on," she replied, somewhat relieved that the lesser of her secrets had been revealed first. It might mitigate the shock of the second revelation, if she were lucky.

"Well, I'm not quite sure what to think, Dora. On the one hand, this is really a fantastic avenue of research – I've never heard of a patronus morphing, though you are already a bit of a special case. On the other. . ."

"Now, don't go thinking it's some kind of unconscious manifestation of my need to have you protect me, because I'm quite capable of that myself, thank you." She felt herself getting a bit defensive. "And I hadn't told you before because I hadn't entirely realized what had happened until just before Siri. . . my accident. By then, it was too late to bring it up; you were already gone. And I was sitting here trying to think of ways to tell you about becoming an animagus. . ." _Bugger_. The cat was out of the bag. Why did she have to be such an idiot around him?

"Do go on, I'm listening." He eyed her a little apprehensively, and she closed her eyes for a moment. He was still holding her hand and squeezed it a little in encouragement.

"Promise not to freak out?"

"I don't think I'm capable of it."

"You're sure?"

"Now you're beginning to scare me. Out with it."

"Not here. When everyone has gone to bed." They were staying the night at the Burrow, per Molly's orders, and had been assigned to the living room – the second-most high traffic area of the busy home. Tonks preferred not to share her secret with everyone; even one or two people knowing could be too many for her safety. They quietly sipped tea and played an unenthusiastic game of wizarding chess until well after ten o'clock and the last voices had ceased. Remus insisted on placing an engorging charm on the sofa so that neither of them would have to sleep on the camp cot. They were both tucked under the fluffy duvet with the candles extinguished before she had the nerve to broach the subject. He listened to her explain her involvement with the ministry program without commenting, for which she was rather thankful.

When she was done, he exhaled slowly. "Have you tried again since then?"

"No, I decided to wait for you to come back."

"So, I'm back, right?"

She concentrated for a moment and soon, Remus's hand was resting on warm fur instead of smooth skin. He inhaled deeply and the wolf in him stirred with desire. This close to transformation, his sense of smell was already heightened. He recognized the smell of receptive female and ached to possess her. "Dora," he whispered hoarsely, "that's enough."

In moments, he felt the firmness of her arm beneath his hand again and he swallowed hard. She crushed her lips to his, acutely aware of the longing he felt. The intensity of her hunger for him as a wolf was nearly unbearable and she had the oddly pleasant feeling that she had lost all control. She felt him trembling as he skimmed the length of her body with his palm. She succeeded in unbuttoning enough of his pyjama top that she could greedily kiss the contours of his neck and throat. He moaned and suddenly pulled her tight against his chest.

"Not here, Dora."

She understood. "I feel like a teenager, worried that my mother will walk in on us," she whispered.

"You make me feel like a teenager, Dora. I'm half my age when I'm with you, awkward, a little self-conscious maybe. But I feel alive."

Moments later, they heard soft footsteps on the stairs.


	7. Chapter 7

Tonks could see a slender figure silhouetted in the moonlight that streamed through the kitchen window. She couldn't help but be struck by the irony of the tableau. Fleur turned toward them and her eyes met Tonks' across the hallway.

"You're asleep," Tonks whispered almost imperceptibly to Remus. She slipped quietly out from under the duvet and padded into the kitchen, where Fleur was putting a kettle on to boil. Tonks put a silencing charm on the doorway and stoked the fire a bit. She waited for Fleur to speak first; after years of having her own mother prod and poke until the problem came out, she knew that her best move would be to let Fleur take her time. Some things needed to be pondered a bit before being shared. Fleur continued to fidget with the kettle until she finally had two steaming cups in her hands and joined Tonks by the fire.

"I am sorry zat I woke you, Nymphadora," Fleur finally said. "Despite being up for nearly two days, I cannot seem to sleep. I am frightened. What will happen to Bill la nuit de pleine lune?" She looked pleadingly at Tonks, clearly seeking reassurance from the only person who could, and would, give her some straightforward advice.

"Well, as for what will happen, we won't know until a couple of nights from now. Remus is hopeful that Bill won't undergo the full transformation, though it's not a certainty. No one really knows what happens to someone bitten by an untransformed werewolf. It's such an unusual situation. . ."

"I keep zinking of once, when I saw a loup-garou at a distance as a child. I was so terrified! It was énorme, wiz eyes like a cat. It had been captured by ze Aurors in my village and zey were stunning it. I imagine zat zey killed ze creature but Maman took me home so zat I would not see." Her eyes were filled with sadness, obviously imagining her fiancé suffering the same sort of fate.

"Even though Remus transforms at the full moon, Fleur, he takes a special potion every month called Wolfsbane. Tue-loup in French, I think, though it doesn't kill in small doses. As long as he takes it before the full moon, he keeps his mind and no longer has the urge to kill. It isn't a cure, but it gives him the ability to lead a fairly normal life."

" 'Ave you ever seen Rémus as a wolf, Nymphadora?"

"Well, each of us in the order would take turns watching over him at the full moon just in case something happened. Sirius would usually transform and stay with him while someone else would ward and guard the door. The potion is a fairly recent discovery, you see, and it's very complicated to brew. If there were some kind of mishap. . . well, Remus is such a vital part of the Order. . . "

"And a very special part of your life, I can see," Fleur finished. Tonks nodded. "Will you be zere wiz me, wiz us when it 'appens? I am so afraid to face him alone. I know it is my Bill, but what if he transforms? I do not know 'ow I will react."

"We'll be together, Fleur, I promise. I'll be right by you. They won't give him any Wolfsbane this time, to see what the full effects of his bite are, so you'll have to promise me that you won't be discouraged if Bill reacts badly. Remus will have his potion, so he'll be safe."

"I am so glad you are 'ere, Nymphadora!" Fleur cried. She suddenly looked up at the doorway and Tonks followed her gaze. Remus was standing there, waiting for them to finish. Tonks lifted the silencing charm and invited Remus in. He joined them by the dying fire and summoned a cup of tea for himself. "I take it we're all having a little trouble sleeping tonight?" he asked. "Every month I have a dream, Fleur, that the full moon comes and, miraculously, I don't transform. It can be very discouraging when I awaken and realize that it was a dream. The Wolfsbane is as close to that as I will probably ever come. But having someone with me helps. I don't like anyone to watch as I change, but afterward, it's a great comfort to have friends by my side. Everyone is different, though. Bill will let you know what he needs. Just be there for him and don't let him give up."

"I will never allow zat! Bill is brave and strong. And I will be braver and stronger if 'e needs me to be."

"He and I are very lucky men, it seems." Remus smiled softly and took Tonks' hand. "Can I give you a little something to help you sleep, Fleur?"

"No, I zink zat I will be able to now. Talking always 'elps, does it not? Je te remercie, Nymphadora. Tu me donne de l'espérance. C'est ce qu'il faut en ces jours attristés." She squeezed Nymphadora's other hand before turning to Remus. "And Rémus, I zank you as well. Will you talk to Bill tomorrow, to reassure 'im?"

"We will all sit down for a bit tomorrow, to discuss what might happen and make arrangements. Go upstairs and get some sleep, Fleur. He's probably wondering where you are right now."

Fleur bid them both goodnight and slipped back upstairs. Remus and Tonks wearily dragged themselves back to the sofa and collapsed with exhaustion for the second night in a row.


	8. Chapter 8

Tonks woke early to the smell of bacon wafting in from the kitchen. She managed to slip out from under the duvet without waking Remus and tiptoed toward the door. Unfortunately, someone had maliciously left a rug lying right in the middle of the floor. The nerve! She tripped violently and, arms flailing, fell in a heap on the floor. Soon, Remus, Molly, and Ginny were all looking down at her.

" 'Morning everyone," she yawned with a laugh.

"Trying out those rehabilitation exercises again?" Ginny asked, an eyebrow arched as she extended her hand to help Tonks up.

"Oh, not so much these days. You know, the healer says I still have to take it easy. If she only knew how clumsy I am, she'd have ordered bed rest for me!" She peeked under her sleeve to see a broad purple welt appearing. "I was having a bit of a quiet stretch there. I was definitely due for an injury of some kind. I swear, being off-duty is more dangerous than facing a whole army of vampires!"

"Let me help you into a nice, safe chair, Dora." Remus guided her into the kitchen and cast a healing charm on her swelling extremity. "We've got to be in top form for the meeting this evening, right? No finding excuses to loaf about all day," he chided, in a mock-stern tone. She turned repentant eyes toward him and promised to stay in one piece, at least until the meeting was over. Molly busied herself loading down plates with a breakfast that could easily have fed twice their number.

Tonks looked across the table and saw that Bill had decided to take breakfast with them downstairs, now that he was able to sit up unassisted. He and Fleur were already at the table, watching Remus gently tend to Tonks' injury. Once, Bill himself had asked Tonks out on a date and had been subjected to something she had thought was brilliant – a peculiar muggle sport called paintball. Hardly his idea of romantic, apparently, but their friendship had blossomed where the romance was clearly not meant to be. She knew now that they both had just been waiting for the right person to come along. Bill smiled back at her and squeezed Fleur just a little more tightly. Molly seemed to have accepted Fleur more genuinely over the past two days, from what Tonks could see. Although Tonks knew that things had been tense between Fleur and Molly, it was because they were so much alike. Fleur was much more than her name implied – she was not a fragile flower but a tenacious, loyal, and brave woman. She had a tendency to be a tad patronizing, mainly when she felt insecure, but Tonks knew that everyone would soon see what Bill saw in her. The Order would need every ally it could get in the coming days and Fleur was exactly what they needed. She had done a lot of growing up since the Tri-Wizard Tournament and her defensive skills were superb. If she had the courage to take on Molly under pressure, she would handle herself well against Death Eaters. Convincing Ginny that anyone was good enough for her eldest brother might prove a more difficult task, however.

They ate their breakfast quickly and everyone dispatched to take showers and finalize reports for the meeting that afternoon. It wasn't until nearly lunchtime that Remus was able to usher Bill, Fleur, Molly and Tonks into the kitchen to discuss the plan for the following night. They gathered around the table where so many Weasley crises had been discussed and Remus took in a deep breath before lifting his eyes to the group.

"I wish we could discuss something more cheerful today, but I'm afraid the serious business has to take precedence. I would rather, I think, hear your thoughts questions first so that I can get an idea of what you might want to know before tonight. Bill, since you are really the focus of our attention right now, do you want to share any observations you have about how you're feeling, any changes you might have noticed in yourself since the bite? Anything different in the past day?"

"Well, of course at first I just felt pain. I don't know how much of that would be from the injuries themselves or the curse in them, but after the healers got that under control for me, I did begin to notice a few things. Just to start with the physical part, it's like I can hear and see and smell things much more clearly than before. It's like the intensity of everything is greater. I can't exactly describe the feeling, but I suppose it's a little like stepping outside on a really clear winter day. Everything is more crisp. Now, today my nerves are a little more ragged than they have been since the bite, too. My skin feels like it's crawling, and I didn't notice that yesterday."

"But otherwise, you're not feeling more tired than usual, or noticing any pain in your joints?" Remus asked. Bill shook his head gingerly and Remus felt a twinge of relief. Interestingly, it seemed that Bill was experiencing more of the relatively positive effects of lycanthropy rather than those that Remus most loathed. Of course, there was no absolute way to know what would happen before the full moon appeared, but the prognosis was as hopeful as it could be. "Well, Bill, those are as positive signs as I could hope for at this point. Usually, a werewolf feels an extreme lethargy in the day or two before transformation. This is usually accompanied by rather nasty pain in the joints, as the body prepares to change. With the Wolfsbane, I feel a lot less of the "crawling" and edginess, so it may be that a small dose would relieve those symptoms for you." Molly was looking hopeful and Bill seemed fairly composed, despite the nervousness he must be feeling. Even Remus, after over 30 years of transformations, was always uneasy on the eve of the full moon. The Wolfsbane gave him a measure of reassurance, but there was always the possibility that something might go wrong.

"Bill and I have discussed zis and I want to stay with 'im when it 'appens. I 'ope that you are correct with all my 'art, but if 'e becomes a wolf, what can 'e, and I, expect? Fleur asked.

"A woman lycanthrope once told me that the pain of transformation was something akin to giving birth to a stillborn child, Fleur. I'd liken it to the Cruciatus curse. There's incredible pain, and there's no comfort or rest when it ends. In some ways, the Wolfsbane makes that part worse. You retain a human mind when you might be better without the emotional experience. However, I would rather the pain than risk hurting anyone. I think the point to remember is that there will be pain but that the pain is tolerable as long as you don't fight it. There were times as a young man when I tried not to let the wolf win, and it's only worse that way. Some turn to firewhisky – too many. It dulls the pain for the rest of the month, but does nothing for the transformation. Someone recently suggested to me something called "meditation," though I haven't had the opportunity to do any research on it. Perhaps in combination with the Wolfsbane. . ."

Remus' voice faded out as Tonks sat mutely across from him, studying the pale scars on his hands. These were aspects of the disease he hadn't revealed to her. She was somewhat unprepared for the visceral shock she felt. As an Auror, she should be used to pain and impervious to nausea, but she could feel the dull ache of remembered and half-healed wounds in her own body and the bile rose in her throat. She swallowed hard and distracted herself with a sip of the strong, black coffee that Fleur had brewed for them. The jolt of caffeine brought her out of her reverie and she regained the thread of the conversation.

". . .and I know the cellar's not the coziest of places in the house, but it's certainly the most secure. . ." Molly's voice quavered, as she obviously was anxious about her oldest son's affliction and probably more than a little unnerved at having a werewolf, or perhaps two, under her roof.

"You won't need to worry about safety, Molly. Tonks, here, is an expert at setting wards to restrain dark creatures, and she will, I'm sure, assist Fleur in learning the necessary spells. I'll see what I can do to make it a little bit warmer and more comfortable, though it's just for the night." Tonks' eyes met Fleur's and she smiled reassuringly. If all went well, this would be a brief episode in Bill and Fleur's life together - it had hit Tonks full force that this was just the beginning of her journey with Remus and his lycanthropy. She had processed all of this intellectually but the emotions were something she couldn't prepare for. She had shared some of Remus's memories, but she would have to come to terms with her own emotions as well.

Remus was answering a few last questions that Bill had about procuring Wolfsbane when Tonks noticed the time. They would be late for the meeting if they did not get on their way. However long the Order meeting might be, they agreed that Remus, Bill, Tonks and Fleur were to meet in the cellar at the Burrow by 6pm to prepare for the full moon. They went to gather their cloaks and reports and flooed to Grimmauld Place a few minutes later with Ginny in tow.

Remus painted the grim picture of the situation at Hogwarts for those who had not been there, giving a tally of the injuries and losses. Some wept openly, while others clenched their teeth and silently grieved at the loss of their leader. Each person gave an account of their recent activities and the reports were filed with Remus, who would pass them on to McGonagall in the morning. They were still discussing the disappearance of Harry, Ron, and Hermione and trying to formulate a plan to allow for safe communication with them, without revealing their whereabouts to Voldemort, when Remus and the others took their leave.

Upon arriving at the Burrow, they gathered a quick dinner as well as some blankets and pillows and descended to the cellar to began preparing for the full moon. Remus was wary of allowing Fleur to remain too close to Bill, so Tonks constructed a very solid but transparent barrier around him. He would still be able to communicate with them, but would be unable to touch anything outside the perimeter. Remus continued to have serious reservations about allowing Tonks or Fleur to see him transform and both promised not to look until he had become a wolf. To keep his promise to Molly, Remus also had a barrier placed around himself. The procedure was familiar to Tonks, but until now, she had always remained outside the door as the full moon rose. She knew what werewolves looked like from past experience, but she had never seen Remus transformed. The idea was thrilling but at the same time terrifying. She was going to meet the other side of the man she loved tonight, the side that caused Remus so much pain and horrified most wizards beyond words. She had to learn to love the beast, as it was an integral part of the man, and her newfound ability would probably be the key. She would save their animagus secret for another time, however, when it was just the two of them. This night was about Bill and Fleur.

The time approached and both men retreated to their corners to await the inevitable. Bill was the first to be enclosed in a barrier, Fleur reluctantly letting go of his hand only at the last moment. Tonks pulled Remus into a fervent kiss before sealing him behind the wards. She then carefully checked to be sure that everything was secure. As she promised, she took a seat on a rug and invited Fleur to come join her. They waited for what seemed an eternity as anguished cries give way to yelps of pain and, eventually, low growling. This was the moment of truth; Fleur squeezed Tonks' hand and turned to face her fiancé.

Tonks looked and saw, with relief, that Bill remained a man. He snarled softly from behind the invisible wall, however, and his eyes had a cold, yellow, feral glare. Tonks did her best not to listen to the low conversation between the two as she turned to Remus. His mournful eyes met hers, warm amber shot through with glints of gold. She approached the barrier and crouched down as close to him as she could. He curled up at her feet and she lay down next to him, her face a few inches from his nose. She knew that he was still ill at ease sharing this experience with her, but she softly told him, as if she were telling a bedtime story to a child, about how much he meant to her and how happy she was that they had found one another. His breathing slowed and he began to relax, and she could barely hear his soft whining as he returned her whispers of love in feeling, if not in words discernible to her human ears. Bill paced his small cell impatiently and Fleur maintained a supportive vigil, perched daintily on a chair nearby. While he didn't seem particularly dangerous, Tonks couldn't quite trust the look in his eyes. It was as if another man was looking out of them; in fact, he had the same haunted look as Sirius had when he first escaped from Azkaban. She shivered slightly and turned her attention back to Remus, whose eyes were wholly his own despite the transformation.

The hours passed quietly and, when Remus finally fixed her with an urgent look, she knew that it was time to retreat and give him his peace as the man struggled back to the surface and the wolf retreated to await the next full moon. Her heart swelled with compassion as she heard the strangled moaning from Remus's cell. She quickly dissolved the wards around him and wrapped him in a warm blanket. She looked up at Bill, who seemed to be himself again, as he peered expectantly out at her. She removed his barriers with another flick of her wand and instructed him and Fleur to go get some sleep. She asked them to tell Molly that they would be by tomorrow but that for now she was taking Remus home.

She drew Remus up beside her and apparated both of them to Remus's little cottage. She gently tucked him into bed and crawled in beside him, renewing the wards on the house and putting out the light with a flick of her wand. She sank gratefully into the feather bed, a stealthy replacement for the tatty comforter she knew Remus would appreciate in his current state. She would let him worry over its cost when he felt better – in fact, it had come from her old bed at her parents' house, and there was no way he could refuse -it was part of the deal if he wanted her. She pulled the soft duvet up to her chin and sighed. She was asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

Remus awoke late the next morning, gingerly stretching his sore limbs and taking stock of his surroundings. He was back at the little cottage, but surprisingly comfortable and warm. He saw that Tonks was probably the reason for that warmth, curled up next to him, and soon his heart was as warm as the rest of his body. He thought it might burst, it was so full of love for the little witch with the shocking hair. Right now, though, her hair was its natural color and fell in soft chestnut waves about her face. He found that the stiffness was not as bad as it often was and he slowly turned toward her, trying not to disturb her sleep. She could just as easily have chosen for them to remain at the Wesasleys, but he was glad that they would have a little time alone. He found his thoughts wandering to places he knew his aching body couldn't follow, even if Tonks had been willing. Why, he wasn't even sure that he would know what to do if she threw herself at him at the new moon! The few girls who had tried to attract his attention had soon enough realized that it was a lost cause. Eyes closed, he remembered. "_Poor Remus_," Lily had once said to him. _"If you could just allow yourself to take a risk or two with your heart!"_ It wasn't his own heart he might risk; it was the health and safety of anyone foolish enough to want to be close to him. As his mind wandered down this long-familiar path, he felt the old fears well up inside him, chilling the warmth and dispelling his fantasy of small, warm hands and soft lips.

He was confused for a moment when he felt the touch of a finger as it caressed the tip of his nose. He opened one eye and found himself looking into two wide gray ones. She was smiling, pulling his hands toward her and folding them to her chest. "Wotcher, Remus!" she whispered enthusiastically, and he returned the smile. The fear melted as he gazed into her eyes. She shifted closer to him and brought her lips to his without looking away. He had never done this, kissing with his eyes open. It occurred to him that it took a lot of trust to share physical intimacy with someone while allowing them to see right into your soul – it was a lot like legilimency, but he knew that it would require no magic to see what she wanted to show him.

"You've far too much clothing on, Remus!" she chided playfully. But in a softer, sly tone, she added, "That is, if you don't mind me taking advantage of you in your . . . vulnerable state." She cocked one eyebrow at him questioningly before picking up where they had left off the other night, and he inhaled sharply. He was going to protest, but the touch of her lips against his collarbone felt so good that the words only came out as an incoherent mumble. . She tugged at his old woolen jumper until it was over is head. "Ooh, look!" she giggled, "a wolf in sheep's clothing!" He bared his teeth at her playfully, wishing that he could participate a little more actively in the moment. This wasn't how he had imagined it would be. "Dora, I've never. . ." he managed to formulate, only to have her stop his words with a kiss. "Me either," she whispered as she pressed close to his side and rested her head on his chest. She could hear his heart pounding and she worried that she had, perhaps, gone too far too quickly. Or was he embarrassed at having revealed his inexperience to her? Was he in pain? They had shared so much over the past couple of days, but still knew so very little about each other. She looked into his eyes and found the answer to her questions – all she saw there was desire. She regained her momentum and drew herself up to begin placing soft kisses across his face and along his throat. He attempted to wrap his arms around her but found them a bit too weak to reciprocate with any confidence. She gently stroked his arms and murmured, "Oh no, you don't . . . soon you'd have it that I was innocent and naïve and that you ravished me against my will. I'll have none of that. I'm going to have my way with you, not the other way around." Remus's eyes widened in mock surprise, relaxing into the moment, and she added, bashfully, "Although, I do freely admit that I am as innocent and naïve as a schoolgirl. She glanced down and frowned in mock concentration, then looked back at him with a wicked glint in her now-green eyes. "But I've heard you're quite the professor. . . "

He felt the twitch of a devilish smile curling on his lips and rose to her bait. "Ah, when it comes to matters of the heart, I have no expertise to offer, my dear. In fact, I'd say that you have been doing most of the instruction up to this point. I'd be. . ." he hesitated, swallowing hard, "fascinated to know what you were expecting for my introductory lesson."

"Hmmm. . . I was thinking something along the lines of a little directed inquiry. Shall we?" she queried in a most academic manner.

"I can't help but feel that I am a rather passive student in this lesson," he sighed, breaking character.

"Remy, next time, it's your turn. It's my game today, so either play along or I tickle you mercilessly. And you know full well you won't be able to do anything about it." She grinned mischeviously, readying her fingers to pounce on his unprotected body.

"Hmmm. . . a little tickling might be nice," he thoughtfully replied.

"Ah, that's a good sport."


	10. Chapter 10

When Tonks next opened her eyes, it was well into the afternoon. Remus was still sleeping peacefully, so she tiptoed as gracefully as she could manage to the hearth and put on some tea. She sat there for quite some time, watching the flickering firelight and musing about Remus and the turn their relationship had finally taken. She was startled when he placed his hand lightly on her shoulder.

"I didn't mean to frighten you, Dora. What were you thinking of?" he asked, easing himself down to sit with her on the rug.

"My 'vacation' from work is beginning to dull my senses, I'm afraid. I didn't even hear you. I was just thinking to myself how lucky you are to have me." She smiled mischievously at him and he glanced down his nose at her.

"And how lucky you are to have me! By the end of the week, between the two of us, we'll be broke, outcast, seriously injured, and on some villain or other's hit list."

"That is, if you don't die of old age first!"

"Touché. So, we ought to maybe think about feeding ourselves and checking in at the Burrow?"

"Ah, I suppose a good hot meal is probably in order, considering we haven't eaten since last night. And a debriefing with Bill and Fleur. I also owe Ginny a good heart-to-heart, since I'm sure she knows more than she's letting on about the whereabouts of the others. . ."

Remus's face contorted a bit as the realization hit him that Harry, Ron, and Hermione had disappeared on a most dangerous and unknown errand. "Yes, it is certainly about time we got back to work. There's so much to do. And I will have some unfinished business to take care of with the pack. . . I think I need to share more of what I was doing there with you and Minerva and some of the others. Professor Dumbledore had asked me to keep the mission confidential so as not to cause worry about what I was doing, but after Hagrid and Madame Maxine's unfortunate disappointment with the giants, I think I really have no choice but to redouble my efforts to prevent Voldemort from building an army. And carve out a real place for those of us who survive when this is over." He looked back at her with an inspired gleam in his eyes and drew her into a fierce embrace. This could happen, and he was at the very heart of the movement that would make it possible, with the most loyal and loving woman he could imagine at his side. He looked down into her eyes and knew that she shared his excitement. "At our next meeting in a few days, I hope to have a rather detailed plan of attack for the next phase of the war. We absolutely have to isolate Voldemort from his followers."

"Said like a true leader. We can't allow ourselves to be discouraged – if Voldemort wins, love and humanity have lost. But what of Harry? How do we find him and the others and keep them safely out of this?" Tonks asked, her mind returning to her last statement.

"Harry's behavior seems to me to mean that I'm not the only Order member keeping secrets at Dumbledore's request. His behavior reminds me of myself a bit. But the time has come for others in the Order to assist me in my task and I know Harry will need assistance, too. Harry acts like a young man carrying the weight of the world. What if he really is? If what I suspect is true, if we can remove Voldemort's power base, the more likely it will be that Harry will be able to meet him one on one and destroy him. Ginny is probably the key to us finding out where he is right now. Can you help me?"

"I'm on it. Let's go." The wheels were turning in Tonks' head. Harry's savior complex, the moodiness and brooding, the secrecy with which he, Ron, and Hermione had disappeared. . . it all made sense. They knew something the rest of them didn't know - but that Dumbledore surely had, before his death. The headmaster had been sheltering Harry, probably too much for his own good, for many years; perhaps he knew that Harry was the key to defeating the evil wizard. And Ginny would know what was going on as well, even if she had been left behind. Tonks felt a twinge of sympathy; she knew exactly how Ginny would be feeling as Harry pushed her away to ensure her safety. Remus was right, Harry certainly took after Remus when it came to being a martyr to the cause and pushing away those who loved him. . . It had taken Remus decades to come to his senses. She hoped that Harry could be a little quicker about it, for Ginny's sake!

They apparated outside the Burrow and were joined almost immediately by Minerva McGonagall. "I had rather thought you would be here soon. I think we were meant to have a chat before we talk to anyone else, don't you agree?" They looked around for a suitable place to conceal themselves and finally hid behind a tumble-down stone wall across the lane from the house. Tonks cast a strong silencing charm and Remus looked at McGonagall expectantly. "Remus, as it appears the leadership of the Order has fallen to us, I think we may want to take a moment to pool our knowledge of the intelligence and information we've been aware of over the past year. Dumbledore left many things secret for good reason, as we cannot know what may be useful to less-than-honorable ears. And the fewer who know everything, the safer we all are. That being said, Nymphadora. . ." she now turned to address the young Auror, "Should anything happen to either of us, we need a third in command to take up the leadership. Can we trust you to do this, should the need arise?"

"Me? I'm so new to the Order. . . I. . ."

"If you look around, Nymphadora, you will find that there aren't as many of us "old timers" around as you seem to think. No, you are quick on your feet and calculated in thought. Your training in defense against the Dark Arts as an Auror is superior to most in the order, save Kingsley, and you are less at risk for discovery at the Ministry, given your rookie status there. Who else would I choose? Molly? She has far too much invested emotionally in those she would lead. Arthur? We can't compromise his position at the Ministry. Mundungus? Don't make me laugh. Shall I continue? By no means am I saying that you are a last resort choice; I would still choose you above all others for your skill and intelligence. But I won't ask you to do this if you are not absolutely committed."

Shocked at the mere possibility that she would be accused of waivering in her desire to defeat Voldemort, she clenched her teeth and squared her shoulders. "Professor McGonagall, you can have confidence in me. I'm ready for the challenge."

The three discussed what they knew about on-going missions and exchanged information on a number of theories they had as to the whereabouts of Voldemort and his followers but silence followed Minerva's brief question, "Have either of you heard of something called a horcrux? Tonks felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck and she noticed Remus shiver out of the corner of her eye. The chill in the air was palpable at her words. As an Auror, Tonks knew of horcruxes in a purely academic sense but had never heard of anyone actually producing one of these evil objects. Remus, as well, had a general knowledge of their existence and function but only from having encountered a vague reference to them in the library at Grimmauld Place. No horcrux had been created, to either of their knowledge, in living memory. Why would Minerva bring up the subject, unless. . .

"Have you ever known Voldemort to balk at the depraved and inhuman? I thought not. It seems that Albus's rather horrific injury came from the destruction of such an object. In the drawer of his desk, I found the remains of a ring with a cracked stone. It seems, after consultation with his portrait and a certain amount of threatening on my part, that the ring was only one of a number of horcruxes that Voldemort has created in order to ensure his immortality. My best guess as to the whereabouts of our young runaways is that they are seeking the remaining horcruxes in order to destroy them. Finding out what they had discovered is of utmost importance in assisting them in this most perilous task."

They regarded each other nervously but composed themselves before returning to the Burrow. Giving Molly further reason to despair for the lives of the children was not going to improve their situation. Nor was hiding behind a wall, to be sure, so they removed the silencing charm and announced themselves at the door.


End file.
